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Sep. 14th, 2010

Me playing cards

well

Print ads i can ignore. Now it requires me to watch 3 minute videos when I log on. that's pretty hard to ignore (yes i've noticed it before). I know I've been this road before, but i don't think i'll be posting again. I'll maintain the account this time, but I'm going to desprately look elsewhere. Theres got to be some better way.

Aug. 4th, 2010

Me playing cards

so

For those that don't know, my best friend and adopted brother died a couple weeks ago. I read something at the funeral, and I wanted to share with those who could not be there. So here it is:


For those here who don't know me, I'm Tom. I'm the fourth brother. When I was young, Bea showed the display of compassion and affection that seems a trademark of the Johnson heart, and she took me in, and the whole family of five treated me as one of the family. I spent holidays with them, and they truly showed me love.

Once I bonded with Roger, and once we reached that point of recognition as brothers, it never went away. He often introduced me as "the fourth brother' and it often brought a tear to my eye when he did so. Neal sometimes does the same thing, and I'm grateful for the inclusion into their family, and their life.

Roger's road, like mine, was the road less traveled, and we shared so many things in gaming, passions, politics, and poly lifestyle. Some of our decisions were unique enough to the world to bond us together. And so we were beyond the best of friends.

In more recent years, my renewed attachment to Barbara brought us even closer, through her, and our previous connections, I became part of his new family again. A family he forged with no road map, fueled not by traditions, but by communication and love. And with the sense of inclusion that Barbara, Kate Roger and Jon had in their hearts, the five of us were family, even If I didn't live there, everyone made great effort to include me in 'family' things.

He often surprised me with how open and loving he was. How many times did he tell me I was family? That I was his other brother? He had so much love, you could just feel it all the time.

I have so many thoughts, and so many stories. In my usual short attention span style, they just keep flashing around in short segments, each folding over and overpowering the other randomly reminding me of so many years, and so much love.


Flash: When I think of Roger's role in my life, the first and foremost thing is that he's there. If you need something, he's the first guy you call. When it was an emergency, he's just the first number you call. Always. For 30 years. How many times did he drive me to the hospital when I didn't have a car? Or everywhere else in town for that matter? How many times did we move furniture together? Both mine and other friends? How many times did he just come over, and be there when I needed someone around. I just can't count that high. Amidst all the other flashes, these flashes keep coming.

Flash: circa 1983: We began by tossing ice cubes at each other on Benny's porch one hot night in July. This went on for awhile, and Benny thought he was stepping it up, by tossing the whole glass of water at Roger. With strength unique to Roger, he grabbed the Styrofoam cooler, and chucked the several gallons of ice cubes over Benny's head, breaking the cooler in half in the process. This ended the ice fight with panache, and laughter we shared for years.

Flash circa 1991: I had been fighting with Jon and Barbara over petty things. As far as I was concerned, i was done with them. too much had been done. I saw no hope or point in building bridges. Roger called. "I've been seeing Barbara. Barbara and Jon are important to me. I need my best friends to make up somehow. It's important to me." --- "Done..whatever it takes".. One phone call later, the fighting was over. and now, of course, we are the best of friends. Without his passionate plea, his reason, and his love, it would not be so.
Flash: circa 1989: When camping one weekend, myself and one other had kept everyone awake with noise and revelry as we were both late night people. We'd knock on their tent door, and other nonsense. As retaliation for my own late night noisemaking and revelry, I woke to find my entire tent had been redesigned by Escher. Every pole had been moved, the doors folded in on themselves in nearly inescapable confusion. When I finally escaped my well engineered trap, Roger stood their quietly grinning like a Cheshire cat. "You should get up earlier, the good stuff happens in the morning." I laughed, motioned to my tent and said "your creation?". He just kept grinning.

Flash: The phrase DMM. Definitely Matinee Material. I don't know if he coined it or learned it when he worked at the movie theater. It applied to all those movies that you might want to see, despite knowing in your heart they would be awful. Later this term morphed into DDM (Definitely DVD Material), but the matinee thing sticks into my head, and we still used it. We shared so many bad movies. Our passion for Mystery Science Theater cannon material creates so many memories unto itself. How many movies did we share?

How much of my life do I owe to Roger? Amidst the flashes are the two times when he literally saved my life, buried amongst the several others, when it only felt like he had. So many times I got to "What possible way do I have out.." and Roger was so often the answer.

And finally, I am fortunate that I made a decision very recently. About three weeks ago, I had a personal event that caused me to realize how important some people were to me. I took it upon myself to declare a personal thanksgiving week, and I wrote, called or personally contacted 20 or so people that were the most important people in my life. The last email I ever sent to Roger was the following:

"I've declared this Personal Thanksgiving day. I want to thank you for being the greatest friend anyone could ask for. I'm sending out a few mails, to thank some friends for being so cool, but no one has been as much to me for nearly as long, as you. You are the best friend, the best brother, anyone could have. You are amazing, and i simply want you to know it. I can't imagine life without you. Thank you for being you"

His four line Response began with: "well thanks. I like being me, Its easier than trying to be someone else. "


I am so glad I did that. So glad I remembered to tell him how important he was to me. And as much hurting as I'm doing, I comfort myself by remembering all the joy, all the parts of life he made better. I try not to think how I'm gonna get by without him, but instead just cling to how much I did get by, because of him. Except now, that line: "I can't imagine life without you" rings truer than ever. I try to figure out 'what's next', 'what will things be like now' and I just can't. It's unfathomable. But I will get by, by thinking of what he would do, or say. By thinking about how important other’s happiness was to him, and knowing I can best thank him by being joyous, fun, and sometimes frivolous. And more than anything in the universe, that's what I feel like I need to be doing for the rest of my life. Thanking Roger for being Roger, because it was easier for him than being someone else.

Apr. 20th, 2010

Me playing cards

(no subject)

I did a web search on some of the sub things i was thinking about, and there is just way to much information, some of it quite disturbing. I'm completely overwhelmed on this topic.

Meanwhile old friends are reaching out too. I got to play a game for a change instead of running and I really enjoyed it. I think i'm becming more patient too. i've been training patience as part of my poker training. I have alot of transformations I'm working on. I'm willing to work on lots of things, except money. Something I'd like to transform, but not really willing to work for. How screwed up is that.?

Apr. 19th, 2010

Me playing cards

Am I changing, or are people noticing

I feel more like people are reacting to me differently then I'm any different. I felt free at conglomeration, which was the weekend after Frolicon. I felt open at flirting, and just being. I learned a little more about my potential sub status. More on this as I learn it, but I think there is much to learn.

So I got flirted with by several people at the con. One begged for my contact info, then wandered off before she could get it. One read more into my flirting than was there, which is strangely teh opposite of the problem i usually have. After asking two women out on dates where they thought i was just being nice, having someone tell me that they were interested in romance when they thought I was (and wasn't) was strangely refreshing.

Theres more things going on I can't post about, but I've had a few tentative offers I'm excited about. One offer in particular I'm enjoying the hell out of, even if it's a few weeks away before anything happens as a result.

I feel good, and I looke forward to more.

Apr. 8th, 2010

Me playing cards

Frolicon

By request, I'm going to chronicle my recent journey to Frolicon. This will be a long rambling post, that's probably way

TMI for some people, so read at your own risk. I'll try to remember how to do lj-cuts to make it easier. All that being

said:
Learn more than you could possibly want to know.Collapse )

Mar. 10th, 2010

Me playing cards

confused

I find myself angry at MSNBC, and occasionally agreeing with republicans on this health care bill. This is playing havoc with my brain. I feel like I must be missing something.

First is my allegience to republicans. Republicans are chanting over and over that we need to scrap the entire health bill and 'start with a clean sheet of paper'. I agree completely. I think it's the only solution. Of course, I think the key this time is to COMPLETELY ignore republicans like they claim we did the first time. Just push through actual universal health care. The current bill is a mess and a sham. Unless I'm missing somehting in my layman views, I wouldn't vote for it.

which brings me to MSNBC. Two different shows were lambasting Kucinich for refusing to vote for the bill becuase it's just garbage. They claim he's being irresponsible for letting this mediocre crap bill stop him from 'progressing health care.' Some democrats are talking censure.
Let's look at this again. The health care bill being proposed includes
1> No public option, or really universal health care of any kind. A factor Obama once said would not vote for any bill without. This is what happens when you start with a compromise. This is of course enough reason alone to vote against us, but it gets worse.

2> Includes mandatory health care. It would 'provide millions with insurance' simply by forcing them to buy it. This is their big magic solution. It basically punishes people for being poor. A family making 54,000 a year, would spend 17% of their income on health care, and they would be forced to comply. A family making 25,000 a year would spend nearly 30% of their income on health care, and they would be forced to comply. This is reform? This is simply punishing the poor.

3> Still could slip in some version of the Stupak ammendment. I'll admit i actually thought this was included until today, when I saw him saying he wouldn't vote for it unless it was included, and democrats still scrambling for his vote (and aparently his dozen cronies). This of course can not be allowed to happen. Fortunately there does seem to be larger group opposing him, but despite their claims, I think there is some very anti-choice langauge in this bill.

4> Has very little cost control. There is nothing to undo the 70% increase the health care companies have induced during this year of debate. There is very little to keep it under control. The idealistic thought seems to be that once they have a captive audience and everyone buys health care, they'll just kindly stop raising their rates because they have 'enough profit'. Like there is such a thing to them. If that was true, there would not be rate increases during a year when they made 12 billion dollars pure profit. Their greed knows no end, and this puts very little stop to it.

About the only worthwhile thing this bill does is end pre existing conditions, and put restrictions on denial of claims. But even this restriction has enough loopholes to drive a truck through, loopholes their million dollar attorneys have already found I assure you. I don't even know why the insurance companies would vote against this. It feels like they wrote it.

Meanwhile there is Massey. One of the liberal democrats who was refusing to vote for health care, along with Kuccinich. He's got surreal sex allegations. His stories are odd, and no one is refuting them. He's confessed and the first 'crime' he confessed to sounded less like 'sexual misconduct' and more like 'calling some horn dog on his shit'. Apparently when this drunk guy kept saying he should make it with the brides maid and a bunch of other women, he got up disgusted, mussed the guys hair and said "i should be fucking you." and walked off. That's not misconduct, That's applause worthy mind fucking.

Then of course something comes about tickle parties or something that's getting pretty weird. He gets attacked for claiming this is coming out because the democratic party knows he will not vote for this bill, or anything close to it. Maybe he's crazy, but I'm willing to give him some benefit of the doubt. Especially the way they are treating Kucinich of all people.

I'm going to assume some of this is becuase THE KEITH is ouit on prolonged leave of absense, and Rachel Maddow is apparently on vacation, but attcking the people who agree with what Keith and Rachel were saying just 2 months ago (I went back and looked at old footage) seems askew. And huffington post seems to be going the same way, criticizing Massey and Kucinich, and praising this new holy hunk of crap they are calling a health care bill.

Ok, what am I missing?
Are we just that desperate that we will take anything? Are we that fed up? Are things so hopeless that the only health care bill we can even dream of, does more harm than good?

Jan. 25th, 2010

Me playing cards

(no subject)

Thursday night: Woke up at 8 pm. Went to work. Went home at 6 am friday morning.
Friday morning, cleaned car, finished packing, packed car, and began the journey to Chattacon.
We stopped on the way and ate at Which Wich, a pretty cool sandwhich chain. I had spam, which at least gave me something to talk about. Then on to the con.
We got to the con about three. We got into the room, hung out with eveyrone. This was hte first poly family event with both of my current poly familes. 9 of us total, extending family a bit. We had three rooms, that shared a courtyard. We ate often in the room over the weekend, though friday was the one time we agreed to eat out together as a group. We went to a buffet, and the nine of us sat together. It was fun.
Then we split up, some of us trying to find the con suite. The suite was really far away, and was more rave club then con suite, complete with very loud music, spread out, and a warehouse type atmosphere. I hated it. Plus it was very far away. The hotel grounds were huge, and really everything was far away from everything else.
We then went to watch the fire dancers, which were great. A bit ammateur but still fun to watch. Then off to the game room. i was going to go to room parties, and there was supposed to be a show, and 'i realized, i was too friggin tired to go on, so i fell asleep at 9 or so.
I woke up at 1 am, fully energized. I went to a couple of room parties, then to the game room and played apples to apples and Transamerica with total strangers.
Then off to bed again. I woke up at 8, had breakfast with the family in the room. I followed one family member to a program he was the panelist for, then helped him solve some badge problems he had. After that, lunch in the room, and some games. Kingsburg. No programs until late that night. some of us wanted to do the concert, others the masquerade. The concert was "Arc Attack" a band that did electronic music, and had a pair of 8 foot tall tesla coils,that threw electiriticy around. A guy in an insulated suit came out hurling electicity around. Then they held a raffle and winners got locked in a cage that got hit with 100,000 volts. Pretty awesome.

So after that, some alone time with someone, then off to parties. i drank a couple of beers throughout that day, and some drinks that night. i maintained a buzz most of the day, but never got tanked. Perfect really.
After room parties, off to bed.

A slow start sunday morning, meandered back, and a fantastic lunch at a bbq place that didn't serve bbq on sundays (? ), then on the way home. I got a call amost home asking if i could work that night. I relcutantly said yes. I'm at work now, exhausted and dying, but happy. So that's the weekend. Thanks for playing. pics later.

Jan. 20th, 2010

Me playing cards

ok

So once again i asked someone out a date, it was pretty plainly a date. I told her earlier i had a crush. i made it clear it was a nice dinner, i was buying. She didn't know it was a date. What the hell am i projecting. I mean i try not to be desperate, but instead i seem to be 'unavailable.'. Ah well. Made a new freind out of it I think, but still. Kinda threw me for a loop.

Meanwhile, my emotions are out of wonk. I've been getting crazy highs and lows for at least a month now. Crazy stuff. i did some meditation and hopefully have it under control. Diet (or lack of it) may have something to do with it.

I'd like to do some radical diet stuff. What i'd really like to do is basically go raw foods or starvation for 4-5 days a week, and then gorge. One of the theories behind why starvation diets have such amazing results seems to be that it triggers survival impulses, and heightens everything, as it's sort of more natural. In the archaic past, we wouldn't have had ready access to food all the time. Of course, on that same page, we wold have some time. So it seems to me eating well 3-4 times a month would be in perfect acorddance. i'm just ranting, i probably won't do any of this. But I am eating more raw foods for now, becuase it's easy and it pleases me.

That's it for now.

Jan. 17th, 2010

Me playing cards

should be on facebook

I can't find the facebook journal. I did a post for Pat Robertson STFU that i thought was cool It's facebook stats for various polarizing commentators.

Some points of reference through Facebook.

As this group, Pat Robertson's group has also grown in leaps and
bounds. They are up to 837 members. But is that a fair
comparison. How do other people's hate sites compare to their
fan sites? How polarized are we? How do other right wing and
left wing non spokespersons stack up?

Here's some points of reference.

Obviously how they are listed should have some effect.
It seems to me the real problem out there is Glen Beck. He seems
to be the one people really listen to. The number is staggering.
I have a personal curiosity about Colbert, because I think he
has crazy right wing fans who don't get it..but even if that's
10% his numbers are staggering compared to the rest.
Other than Beck, we're kicking their butts almost universally.



Pat Robertson (politician) 837
Pat Robertson STFU (anti)31,818

Keith Olberman (other Public Figure) 36,704
Waterboard Keith Olberman 565

Rachel Maddow Show (tv Show) 94,651
Rachel Maddow (personal page) 2003
Rachel Maddow Fans (common Interest) 15,045
Anti Rachel Maddow 611

Glenn Beck - 100,000 fans in 100 days (common interest)121,855
Glen Beck (other public figure) 534,276
Telling Glen Beck he's full of crap 7,107
Glen Beck (personal) 3,684

Sean Hannity (other Public) 162,793
Sean Hannity (common Interest) 229


Michael Moore (other public figure) 168,642

Jon Stewart (actor) 85,384

Stephen Colbert 100,000 strong for stephen colbert (arts and
entertainment) 1,161,245


Bill O Reilly (1,860)
Bill O Reilly Sucks (320)

________
Oddity: Page is called Sean Hannity. Pic is Keith Olberman, and

it lists itself as a Keith Olberman site.
8,083

Jan. 9th, 2010

Me playing cards

work stuff

I startd to post all the myriad work details, adn decided it was gossipy and bitchy. One of the incompetents i work with has been fired, and its all good, but it makes things kinda hectic and uncertain. I got a message from my boss that I've gotten more compliments and less complaints than anyone whos ever worked at this hotel. so that's good.
the person i work with still hates me, and basically threatened to try and get rid of me for helping a guest. My actual boss said "let her try" but i'd rather she didn't.
Other than that, i've really started to like it here. It's more social than my other posts, i really like two of the people. I'm even kinda flirty with one of them, which isn't like me. I want to make freinds, but if i get too freindly securitas might move me. Who knows.
Also i prevented a robbery the other night. I recognized a robbery suspect, and being alert, called my supervisor and eventually the police. We heard nothing else about it (no robbery occured, i just recognized their description from recent robberies, and thought their behaviour odd) We heard nothing else except htat someone saw on the news that same night that some people matching their decsription were chased to harrison county and arrested. Go me!
some thank yous from the higher ups were forthcoming. So hopefully i'll be here a bit.

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